A Day of Commotion...

While I was busy earning my keep, some jokers were so busy making news that makes mockery of the whole system. First we have the Fool, that swore by the Quran that he was "forcibly" sodomized... then to a hoard of questions he said he will answer them in court.

Firstly, he was sodomized against his consent?

O'rly??? Then why is Anwar charged with voluntarily committing carnal sex? Did the Police then serve a boo boo? Or you were "too weak" to "resist"?

Secondly, I really wonder why all the charade was timed to perfection? Anwar charged the day after he announced he will contest in Permatang Pauh by election. Now, the "swear by Quran" thinggy done on the day of nomination. I would like to speculate that despite the PM's piece on no adjustment on fuel price until 1st Sept will be flopped on 25th August 2008? Just to win some votes?

Eh? More to come? You BET!

Case of Deal gone BAD 3

Concluding the season 1 of case gone bad.. the who's who in the administrative world must have had it real bad lately and as the story unfolds we pick the story up at the Sleepy Mansion where a group of people namely, Abdullah, Jib, Ong and Samy talked passionately about a group of loonie lawyers that caused an uproar over some matters related to religion...

Jib: Lah, I heard kan.. these bunch of loyar buat kacau la...
Lah: zzzzzzZZZZzZzzzZZZzz.... huh?? Jib? You were saying? (propping himself up)
Jib: I said, Lah, I heard kan.. these bunch of loyar buat kacau la...
Lah: yes... yes.. I pun dengaq the same thing... what do you think Jib?
Jib: I think kan... we disallow them to discuss all these sensitive issue...
Lah: Sensitive? Why sensitive?
Jib: Laa.. you ni... do you know.. our power base in BN for the last 50 years is because kan.. we play the divide and rule game!
Lah: Jib, can you be more layman tak.. I tak pernah main c & c punya game la... apa benda ni divide and rule?
Jib: (mumbles)... bodoh biul betui otak udang nih... wonder how he became leader...
Lah: Yes Jib?
Jib: Ohhh.. nothing nothing.. BN ni.. since 50 years or so ago, we split these people... we use issues about Bumiputra, Ketuanan Melayu and religion to keep the people from being united... sebab tu we have MCA, MIC... sekutu kita orang... we take care of each other's HAK. When even recently... when itu rakyat voted tak kira skin color we still win.. not big la. but still win... because apa ni.. isu Islam.
Lah: Ohh.. I get you... smart la you Jib...
Jib: So, these people now they just want to discuss about the law that we set.. ada kelemahan la... jadi tak kan kita nak tunjuk kita bodoh kan? So, I tell these sekutu kita di GPMS to raise a ruckus la kat itu forum. So, with a few opposition MPs in the demo, kita boleh tolong MCA dan MIC to be relevant again....
Ong & Samy: Ahh??? MCA??? MIC?? What?? What???
Jib: Relax la brader... we make you relevant again... you can now go out and criticize the people that demonstrated... semua ultra sensitive punya orang... then Lah... you cakap la... isu sensitip jangan disebut-sebut...
Lah: Jib? You pulak apa you cakap?
Jib: I diam sajer la.. I sudah bagi idea.. you orang carry out to the T.
Ong: Waaa.. good idea... I fight for Chinese. Samy fight for Indian...

Meanwhile Samy was fidgeting with his pda....

Samy: @$^&#*@@#... this Sara now take credit pulak... about the Panglima punya sekolah... I also want to say something.... Sack sama itu cikgu... racist.. kita Rakyat Malaysia.. satu bangsa jugak! Lagi transfer dia pigi itu smart school... itu dia cakap punya barang semua ada smart ka???
Jib: Eh... Samy.. you ikut sama itu roket ka? Satu bangsa? You sudah biul ka? We do all the same apa... you kena complain.. we promote you la... by transfer.. standard operating procedure.
Samy: No la.. Jib.. itu MRR2 punya kes... sama sekarang.. poket ada sikit kurang... ini pasai saya sudah bukan Mintiri... ada sikit-sikit susah... tapi, ini idea saya sokong 100 persent la. Itu orang India mesti jugak ada sokong sama saya.
Jib: Of course... then we maintain status quo la....
Lah: I talk.. I kena hentam.. Ong hentam saya... Samy hentam saya.... Jib not fair la...
Jib: Like this la Lah... you come up with a better idea then if all accept.. I kena hentam.. until then, you kena hentam.. set? In the meantime.. Lah, itu MB tu cakap 10% Universiti punya tempat diberi kepada apa nama.. non-bumi.. you veto saja dia punya cadangan... heboh kuat kuat sibedebah tu... nak cabar HAK Kita pulak...
Lah: Apa pulak veto? Lid to bukan geng kita.. dia cakap apasai pulak kita nak ikut?? Dia buat recommendation only.. tak pulak dia cakap itu polisi nak rombak... mana dia ada power nak rombak?
Jib: You biul la.. just politicize his statement, dia nak lawan kita.. kita lawan balik... call those rempits we put in the Unis.. get them all to demonstrate.
Lah: Mat Minah semua skarang dah masuk Uni ke??? I tak tau pun?
Jib: Got la.. you ask your Airi... he mobilize some 5000 mat and minah cemerlang into these places last year they can do the bidding for us... geddit?
Lah: Yes..yes.. I paham oredi..

Gosh... Its all about RACE

Aint it? Firstly while the Mainstream Media play out the call by Tan Sri Abdul Khalid made a "suggestion" that UiTM open their doors to non-Malays. The reaction was almost text book. Demonstrations by thousands of UiTM students took place and while we all know that Khalid is powerless in determining the intake, they play it up like a huge forest fire. Who is Abdul Khalid? He is only the Menteri Besar of Selangor! Oi! He cannot make any decision at all. He was merely making a statement of this nature and the whole UiTM froth in the mouth.. and if that is not enough, our PM who is purportedly the PM for ALL MALAYSIANS seem to be just the PM of Malays when he veto-ed the call. Let me tell you one thing Abdullah, "You do not need to veto something that was not proposed and accepted by authorized personnel. Khalid isn't even authorized to propose.. so what is there to veto?"

Seriously, Abdul Khalid's "suggestions" is meant to improve the quality and perception of UiTM graduates and if there is anything to come out of it, it will spur the 90% to do better, but, sadly, even the vice chancellor of UiTM decided to politicize the entire episode.

I hope if and when Pakatan takes over the country, they pay close attention to the whole education system. It has been raped, plundered and sodomized by the government for 50 years and only an overhaul of the entire institution and free education from the shackles of politics... maybe only then we can have a system that develops and breeds critical minds that is required to take the nation through this century.

Case of Deal gone BAD 2

While Ong, Samy, Azim and Abdullah were busy scheming their way out of the RM218million headache, Hisham was in a more serious discussion with Ah Wee regarding a case whereby a loonie case teacher started calling her students all sort of names. But what caused Hisham and Ah Wee to be surprised was that this teacher seem to be picking on only those darker skinned students.

Hisham: Ish... teruk betul nih. Ah Wee... you know la... after the ... you know..
Ah Wee: Ohh.. itu keris incident ka Sham?
Hisham: Ya la.. tu.. please do not remind me of that... I have been you know... trying hard to keep low profile until itu ARMNO Assembly... Now kan... itu orang semua cakap cakap... I kasi mereka tu chance la.. borak borak.. sementara I plan camner tactic I nak naik VP. I diam long enough for people all to forget that I ni bodoh biul. Tapi so far so good la.. until this otak udang teacher from apa nama... Garang punya Panglima.. pa tu Ah Wee?
Ah Wee: Ya la.. itu punya skolah... So camner Sham? You nak settle ke?
Hisham: I nak settle... but kalau I pecat SACK sama itu cikgu, saya punya ARMNO dream susah sikit.. itu cikgu ada "power". Sakit kepala la... eh.. you doktor kan? you selesai la...
Ah Wee: Sham.. ini macam la okay.. kita punya kutu, Sara boleh tolong ka? Kita buat semua WIN WIN WIN Sham. You don't need to worry...
Hisham: I tak salah la.. rekomen you jadi I punya penolong.. you punya otak banyak geliga.
Ah Wee: Ok.. ok.. you dengar dulu ah.. Kita TRANSFER itu cikgu ke sekolah lain. See, the teacher won't jeapordize you punya ARMNO position.. right? Now, rakyat semua ada marah pasal itu tarak otak punya cikgu hanya kena transfer... You skarang call sama itu Sara.. cakap sama dia, dia boleh jadi HERO. Dia boleh komen kau kau pasal itu transfer. Kita kasi dia maximum media coverage. After that, I cakap dia tu kena transfer until kita selesai kita punya investigation... tak kisahlah 2 minggu ka 2 tahun ka.. janji transfer saja..
Hisham: Itu macam... saya mati wor? Sara hentam saya... rakyat hentam saya...
Ah Wee: Sham... you bukan sudah biasa kena hentam ka? you punya objective is to win ARMNO rite?
Hisham: Betui jugak cakap you eh Ah Wee?
Ah Wee: Now you call itu Sara.

Hisham immediately calls Sara, his good pal to seek his "assistance".

Hisham: Hallo? Sara?
Sara: Yes.. yes... Sara speaking. Whom am I speaking to please?
Hisham: Podah la Sara... jangan you perasan you Mat Saleh oit!
Sara: Aisay... Sham.. cakap saja ma.. I ingat itu Mat Saleh itu hari call sama I... Sham.. what can I do?
(Hisham relates the whole story to Sara and ...)
Sara: Sham.. you are a genius.. of course I will complain.. in that way I boleh jugak Champion itu orang susah susah ah?
Hisham: of course la.. Sara.. Ah Wee punya idea good eh?
Sara: Then Ah Wee itu apa cakap?
Hisham: Ah Wee cakap, he will say "Pending Investigation lah" You know I know.. investigation 3-4 bulan.. semua orang pun lupa la.... Jadi, Sara.. set ok? Now you owe me one marble...

Hisham puts the phone down.. satisfied that he has created another smokescreen and with some great ideas from his sidekick, the whole matter now will only dominate attention for a week and it will be forgotten soon after as people would be more focussed on whatever that is about to happen at Permatang Pauh.

Meanwhile back at Sleepy Mansion... Abdullah, Jib, Zim, Ong and Samy are having another crisis on their hands when a bunch of loonie lawyers decide to call for a forum to discuss on cut and uncut issues which has ruffled many feathers. At present, our secret agent reporter has not come back with the transcript of the meeting yet! But do not fear... we will "expose" it once we have it in our hands!

Case of Deal gone BAD....

Back in 2004, 3 friends, Abdullah, Samy and Ong wanted to create history by routing their opposition in the forthcoming general elections. They schemed on the best methods to come about how to make it happen. How to drub their opponents. Its a matter of strategy... it has to be decisive, it has to be awesome, it has to be elegant.

So, while Samy and Ong talked about strategies, this Abdullah went about asking his moneyman, Azim to procure awesome numbers of buntings, posters, boards, t-shirts and mineral water. He told Azim, "Zim, you go and see all those people we give itu semua title... cakap we need them to bagi donation. Donation tu, we use for all these "I Love UMNO" stuff." These are all meant to be given out to impress the voters that, "We, the government are with you." Then SC came a calling and asked, "Err... Abdullah, each Parliamentary constituency... we allow RM100,000 expenditure only you know?" To this Abdullah replied, "Of course... these are all... donation belaka. People sayang us as the government, they donated all these buntings.. these crates of mineral water... summore they love me so much, they put my face on the t-shirts."

The SC happy with the explanation, went about their "chores" and declared Abdullah the biggest victor in the 2004 elections... Then, the supplier seeing that the people they support has won big came a calling for the "debt". Hasan then asked Abdullah, "Lah... where la itu payment... 218juta woh! Itu semua supplier hambat sama I... you know lah.. we all crony business, I buat margin only... that oso my cost you know... 150juta. You pay me 180juta also I can survive, now satu sen pun you tak bayar... mati la I."

Abdullah then summoned Azim, "Zim... mana tu duit tuk Hasan?" Zim regretfully replied, "Lah, tu Hasan too much la.. he charge kita 150% punya profit. Tu duit I kutip dulu tu semua guna untuk billboard. The big big one... so, I guna habih... sudah pokai.. cam na I wan to pay this Hasan?"

Abdullah in a quandry, thought hard for a few moments, then he said, "Zim! I know. Since, itu Ong sama Samy benefit sama ini barang semua, kita suruh dia orang bayaq la. After all, we are a family, right?" Azim thought for a while.... then said, "Boss, good idea boss... kita guna mereka bayar... I like your idea." So then Abdullah told Hasan, "San, I tell you this, I will collect the money from Ong and Samy, then we pay you."

In a meeting between Abdullah, Ong and Samy...

Abdullah: Remember or not? We were family kan?
Ong and Samy: Now what do you want? We already sell our backside for you liao.. summore what you want?
Abdullah: Cool la.. brader... I just have this 218million bill I need you all to help me settle. You people benefit also wut? 2004 election, you see itu semua bunting, poster kilat kilat punya.. I got this friend of mine, Hasan to do it all for us. Now we need to pay him....
Ong: Lah, 1mil 2 mil, I can still ask my brothas to help out.. now you wan 218million... already 2008 we kena hammer all round... you think I still have crony willing to cough out so much? Lah, your side there all crony gemuk gemuk.. ask them to pay la...
Samy: ya la.. ask them la.. after all see all my Hindraf brader all, you send to jail, my kutu all lose the election kau kau... you still want me to pay? My kutu all the best one also besi buruk and budget barber shop..." Your kutu meanwhile over the last 4 years all gemuk already... 30%.. 30%... we all what else have we got?

Abdullah went back disappointed... as he sat down for coffee with Azim...

Abdullah: Zim.. big trouble la ni... they all cannot pay...
Zim: Cant be helped Lah... we fight until they pay 200mil.. meanwhile we go to court and tell them Hasan's charge defective. They cannot just sue us... its all in the family...
Abdullah: But you jokers go and sign the DO.. delivered to us... apa macam?
Zim: We still got Zaki wut... why worry?
Abdullah: Hmmmmm......

(to be continued)
Note: All characters are fictitious in nature, any resemblance to real life characters are however accidental in nature.

Penal Code 377B

Section 377B of Penal Code states, "Whoever voluntarily commits carnal intercourse against the order of nature shall be punished with imprisonment for a term which may extend to twenty years, and shall also be liable to whipping."

Been thinking about it the whole weekend.... should I come clean or should I not. Then I thought if I do come clean, I hope the remaining millions of Malaysians should to. I asked my lawyer friend on this matter and he said "We are all guilty of Penal Code 377B." He further explained, "You dare tell me you have never had a blow job?" I nodded... "You dare tell me you have never gone down...." Knowing what he meant, I nodded....

Well, the above story is a fantasy, written to justify the article above. Please do not lock me up and measure my privies.... I.... I.... I didn't know there was such a law that prevents me from having sexual pleasures with my better half! You mean that the government prevented us from doing all that? Why??? Why??? I do not wish to be jailed nor whipped!!! I did not do it!!! Nooooo!!!!!

Let me narrate a story to you guys. Last night a man told his wife, "We could be jailed and whipped you know...... even though its consensual.. in fact its worse! Both kena..if we do it." Wife replied, "Fuck the government... I want to have FUN!" Any lawyers out there can "advice" me if the "fictitious" characters above have contravened Penal code 377B?

Going for GLORY

Malaysia will take on Italy shortly before noon today in the Men's team Archery event for a place in the semi-finals. Finishing 3rd in the opening day's qualifying rounds ensured that they received a bye and a spot in the Quarter-Finals. The team comprising Marbawi Mohd, Cheng Chun Siang and Wan Khalmizam will make history should they beat Italy for a place in the semi-finals which guarantees them of at least a bronze.

UPDATES: Malaysia lost 213-218... what a yawn...

Our swimmers have all disappointed us but we could still see our archers coming good this time round. We still have our badminton players as well as our cyclist to bank on for medals and I sure hope they win a couple of medals in the 29th Olympiad of the modern era!

The event that will probably intrigue many would be the 4x100m (Freestyle) where Phelps would be gunning for his second gold medal (And he WON HIS SECOND GOLD). Being Team A, they would fancy their chance of another world record after their Team B splashed to a world record yesterday evening in the heats (And they got THEIR WORLD RECORD). Phelps is a great swimmer but I think he will fall short of the 8 golds needed to beat Mark Spitz record of 7 gold medals.... just a gut feel looking at the field of competitors... his 200m Freestyle seemed to be in jeapordy after only manage to finish 3rd in his Semifinals early this morning.

Sack Zulkifli Nordin

Just because you represent PEMBELA does not give you the right to say, today I am donning a different hat. You, Zulkifli is an MP for Kulim-Bandar Bahru. There are Malaysians in your constituency and yet, you decided to behave like a rabid ass in calling for people to storm the venue where a civil forum is taking place. On top of that, you represent PKR whose very ideals are equality and yet here you are mouthing words that are synonymous to radicals.

I however take my hats off to IIUM Law Lecturer, Dr Mehrun Siraj who said, "Open discussion is the way to discuss the issues between Muslims and non-Muslims. Don't insult Islam."

Here is a lady who believes her religion. Here is a lady who understands her religion so well that she is not worried that she will waver in a discussion with people of other faiths. Here is a lady who believes that she can educate others on the religion she loves, ISLAM.

I also think that the police were far too "lenient" on the protesting group. How can they not arrest them for carrying seditious placards? How come tear gas were not sprayed on these flers? Why is it then that those in a civil forum need to kow-tow and give in to these rowdy buggers? And don't even get me started on the self proclaimed UMNO representative that stormed into the building and called on the Chinese and Indians to go to HELL. To be fair, we have yet to ascertain if he is truly an UMNO member. These are the people that deserves to go to Kamunting.

While I call upon Anwar and PKR will SACK Zulkifli from PKR, although he claimed to be doing it under the banner of PEMBELA, he cannot hide the fact that he is also an elected representative of Malaysians and as an elected representative he has an obligation to his constituents. He should be in Kulim attending to his constituents than to act like a rabid cow in an illegal assembly trying to intimidate those who are in a lawful and civil forum. Tian Chua and Loh, stop apologizing for him... He has to be responsible for his own words and action. Calling for people to "storm the building" is sounding very much like a TERRORIST!

"Back Door" Government?

Chandra Muzaffar. He came in for a lot of flak before GE12 when he spoke out against Anwar and he has come in for another round when he slammed Anwar for trying the "back door" route to Putrajaya. HERE.

Funny he should use the term "back door"

Funny too why he was mute when UMNO held "secret talks" with PAS.

Regardless of what door la.. front door, back door car door, van door or doggie door... can go in good enough wut? Abdullah has given up his right to criticize the way Anwar decides to take power when he admitted to holding talks with PAS to form State Government in Selangor and Perak and also indirectly an offer to PAS to run the country with 2/3 majority and now since he cannot comment on it, he called upon his trustworthy dog to talk... err bark.

Have a good weekend everyone... at least we enter the weekend with the Olympics to look forward to and not the mindless rantings and antics of our politicians.

Lets talk Olympics

Enough of sodomy... enough of the corruption.. enough of the corrupted.. Lets put politics aside as we await 8:08PM on 8th Aug 2008. We live in interesting times my friends. Before Beijing 2008, we will have to go back 20 years to Seoul 1988 for the last time the Olympics came to this part of the world. Back in 1988, the world witnessed the good, the bad and the ugly. We witnessed legends bid farewell to the games, champions disgraced and new flamboyant champions.

Greg Louganis, the world's greatest diver went on to defend his title despite hitting his head on the board while executing one of his dives in the preliminary round. Carl Lewis, the icon of sprint in the 80s equalled Jesse Owens 4 gold haul... well, he lost the 100m to Canadian Ben Johnson, but the latter was disqualified after tested positive for banned substances. Then came the most colorful (fingernails) and elegant Florence Griffith Joyner Kersee (Flo-Jo as she is affectionately known) won the 100m and 200m. At the pool, 20 years ago, Matt Biondi tried to eclipse the haul by Mark Spitz of 7 golds but failed with only 4 golds. 20 years on at Beijing, Michael Phelps will want to have a go at unseating the legend. East German, Kirstin Otto reigned supreme with 5 golds in the pool.

2008 will yield its own history starting tonight. From Michael Phelps to Usain Bolt, from Lin Dan to Roger Federer, from Ronaldinho to Yao Ming... much of history will be made in 2008. But to true sportsmanship, its not the winning that counts, its the participation.

Somehow I find the most memorable quotes to come was this, 1968 Marathon runner from Tanzania, John Stephen Akwari when he said, "My country did not send me 7,000 miles to start the race. They sent me 7,000 miles to finish it." He finished last. Long after all the runners had completed the race and fans who were about to leave the stadium. He crossed the finish line with a heavily bandaged leg due to a fall during the race which caused his leg to be badly cut and with a dislocated bone.

That probably summarizes what the Olympics spirit is all about.